Revenge hurts everyone in the family business

King David’s son, Amnon, committed multiple wrongs by raping Tamar and then banishing her from his house. She takes up residence with another brother, Absalom, who wants to kill Amnon, and after two years he finally gets his chance:

Then Absalom commanded his servants, “Mark when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled. (2 Sam. 13:28-29)

It isn’t hard to imagine Absalom hating his brother for what Amnon had done to Tamar. But he goes further, and acts on his hate by killing Amnon in front of his other brothers, who were together shearing sheep. Now, three of David’s children are involved in traumatic and life-changing events. One has been raped, one is dead, and another is on the run. Their father and remaining brothers are in tremendous pain. The family is falling apart.

Cruel behavior can, unfortunately, be a part of any family or family business. Revenge might not include murder, but it can take the form of cutting off communication, withholding time with grandkids, withdrawing financial support, exploiting jointly-held assets, sabotaging job performance, or writing someone out of a will. But as the theologian Lewis Smedes says, “The problem with revenge is that it never evens the score. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops.”

Have you ever witnessed or been part of acts of revenge in the family or family business? Who else in our families is hurt when we seek to “make people pay” for their wrongs?