Painful trade-offs in the family business

My last reflection used Samson’s weakness — his lust — to ponder our own vulnerabilities in the life of the family business. Delilah keeps pressing Samson to divulge the secret of his strength, and Samson realizes his dilemma: He will lose her love if he doesn’t tell her the source of his power. But if he divulges his secret, he may lose that strength.

And she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies.” And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. (Judges 16:15-16)

Delilah is unbelievably persistent, trying at least three times to get Samson to spill the beans. When he doesn’t tell her the truth, she calls out his mockery and lies. But this time she frames Samson’s reluctance as a lack of love for her. She aims directly at his heart, and he becomes painfully aware of his options.

Family members in business together often face difficult choices with painful trade-offs. For example, do you treat all children equally with inheritance or compensation to demonstrate “equal love” (or keep the peace), but risk upsetting, even losing, those family members who invest more energy, time, and sweat equity in the business or parental relationship? Do you hire or promote a family member out of loyalty or love, even when it hurts the business due to their inexperience, their inability to lead, or the inefficiencies it creates for the business? These conundrums are often framed using love as a guiding emotion: Do you love the family but hurt the business? Or love the business but hurt the family?

Have you ever faced a choice that seemed like a “no-win” situation between the family and the business? If so, what lessons did you learn about how to handle such trade-offs?