Overcorrecting in the family business

Jephthah, disowned by his family, is later sought out by Gilead’s leaders and promised the top position — if he returns to fight against the invading Ammonite army. He accepts, has some arguments with the Ammonites, and then makes a vow to God before going to battle:

And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, “If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, then whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the Lord's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.” So Jephthah crossed over to the Ammonites to fight against them, and the Lord gave them into his hand. And he struck them from Aroer to the neighborhood of Minnith, twenty cities, and as far as Abel-keramim, with a great blow. So the Ammonites were subdued before the people of Israel. Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah. And behold, his daughter came out to meet him with tambourines and with dances. She was his only child; besides her he had neither son nor daughter. And as soon as he saw her, he tore his clothes and said, “Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low, and you have become the cause of great trouble to me. For I have opened my mouth to the Lord, and I cannot take back my vow.” (Judges 11:30-34)

Jephthah, who we can imagine was terribly hurt by his own family’s choice to cut him off, and was likely craving acceptance by his community, makes a really over-the-top vow. Perhaps his vow was born of that craving; a desire to be better or more holy than those who hurt him. But the vow has an even worse effect on his own immediate family: it costs his only child her life. The irony is thick. A person forced out of the family, finally called back and chosen to lead, re-enters family or community life, then makes a tragic vow that repeats the cycle of a broken family. You can feel Jephthah’s pain multiplying.

It happens in families and businesses, too. The very thing we hope to avoid from the prior generation — a frustrating or estranged relationship with a sibling or parent, a business mistake, a split of the company, a reputation in the community, or a destructive behavioral pattern — repeats itself in the choices of the current or next generation, despite (or even because of) our efforts to avoid it. What hurt us in the past shows up in our future, even when knew and planned around it!

When you’ve made efforts to change the trajectory of your family business, have you ever overcorrected? What kind of reflection or discussion guides your efforts to avoid repeating cycles in your family or company?