Moving on in the family business

Recall the rapidly deteriorating relationships among King David’s children: Absalom killed his brother Amnon because Amnon had raped their sister, Tamar. Absalom realizes his actions will likely have consequences.

So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead. (2 Sam. 13:38-39)

Absalom is gone, and even though he killed one of David’s other sons, David misses him! (I had to read that verse several times.) The text says that David was “comforted about Amnon,” and other translations suggest he was “consoled about” or “reconciled to” or had “come to terms” with Amnon’s death. King David realized there was nothing he could do about Amnon’s passing, and he was ready to engage with his now-distant son. He was making a choice to move on and maintain a family relationship. Some may see David's reaction as an example of his passivity in confronting difficult family issues; one may also read it as David's ability to move on.

The list of grievances family members have against one another can be long and intense. The injustices can eat away at us, consuming our time, our energy, and even our souls. But what happened cannot be undone — we only get to choose how we move on. Whether we move on and re-establish or continue the relationship is the central issue, and the lesson for us is that David chose to try to continue the relationship in the face of terrible injuries.

Have you ever felt consumed by the wounds you’ve suffered from certain family members? What would it look like to move on, yet maintain a relationship, with those family members?