Breaking the cycle of negative family interaction

While I’m working on my next series about “wilderness” in the family business, I’m posting a few popular reflections from the past. For much of of 2022 I wrote about King David, and this week I’m sharing a reflection on his demonstration of kindness.

After David brings the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem and conquers all the foes of Israel, he wonders what has happened to the remaining members of King Saul’s family. Recall that King Saul had repeatedly tried to get rid of David.

And the king (David) said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.”

And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” And David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” (2 Sam. 9:3,6-7)

Even though David and Jonathan (Mephibosheth’s father and Saul’s son) were once very close, David has nothing to gain politically by showing kindness to Mephibosheth. Mephibosheth is crippled in both feet, a vulnerable person from the line of a deceased king, a person forgotten or even derided in many societies.

David instead looks for an opportunity to show kindness to Saul’s family, generously giving Mephibosheth significant landholdings and a place at his table. What a wonderful example of restoring a relationship by not only reaching out to the next generation, but by not holding them responsible for a prior generation’s offenses.

All family businesses, at one time or another, experience conflict among or between generations. But an unexpected act of kindness toward the next generation has the potential to change the trajectory of family relationships. “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”1

Have you ever been the recipient of a significant and unexpected act of kindness? Who, in your life or family business today, would be similarly surprised at such a gesture of goodwill?