A wilderness conflict of the spirit

One of the markers of a wilderness experience is conflict, which, as I mentioned in my last post, can take several forms. Sometimes conflict occurs around your changing role within the family business. Or, you find yourself on a side — or caught in the middle — of warring family factions. The result is a bewildering, estranged stance or an isolating sense of uncertainty about the future.

Another kind of conflict is more personal and spiritual in nature but leads to similar feelings. That is a conflict between your goals or hopes, your sense of purpose, or your view of the world, and what appears to be God’s plans and intentions for your life. In the wilderness we see the Israelites, who long for safety, struggling to believe God’s word about the promised land. Their visible lack of trust frustrates God:

And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? (Numbers 14:11)

God has been with Israel in unmistakable ways since leaving Egypt, and has promised them “a land flowing with milk and honey.” But after a negative report about the land and the people who dwell there, the Israelites question God’s promise and grumble against Him (and it isn’t their first time). We see this individual struggle about what to believe writ large in the community’s response: They just can’t seem to trust God’s word delivered by Moses.

I’m reminded of the scene in Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan’s wilderness experience culminates in his battle with God at sea, atop the mast during a raging storm. His expectations of life as a disabled veteran and God’s purpose for him finally collide. Lt. Dan is fully changed by his wilderness experience, and Forrest thinks that perhaps Dan has made his peace with God. As he swims into the sunset, he’s reached new lands.

The spiritual struggle in the wilderness can be different for each of us. It may be a difficulty in recognizing God’s calling, or an inability to see God’s blessings. It may be a challenge to interpret or reframe events in our lives, to understand why things happen, or to trust the direction you feel God is taking you. It may simply be hard to believe God is there, alongside you.

Was a spiritual struggle part of your wilderness experience? What were the questions you wrestled with, and how did you resolve them?